Postings to the World Wide Woof!

Oops a bit late - Happy Christmas!

2009-01-01T03:13:00.001-08:00

Woof Woof!

I'm a bit late with this year's festive photo - Mum and Dad have been far too busy - prioritising that work stuff over blog writing, tsk tsk!

Anyway, it's been a busy year, as you can see - fell asleep during this year's photo session, oh well, it's hard work being this cute, still, time spent dreaming of chicken dinners is always time well spent..... zzzzz...

White Stuff and Spring Flowers

2008-04-13T08:08:00.000-07:00

Woof Woof!

Went for a walk in the forest last week and much to my surprise the world was covered in that cold white stuff. Which was a bit confusing because the buds were on the trees and the spring flowers were trying to bloom and it is April after all, must be something to do with that global warming thingy. Still, had lots of fun jumping about in it and Mum and Dad bought a sledge on the way home which was a little optimistic as by the time we did get home there was no snow left, but that's parents for you (good job I'm the brains of the operation, should have spent the money on chicken, sigh).

My Sicilian Dogfather

2008-02-07T16:29:00.001-08:00

Latrato! Latrato!

That's woof! woof! in Italian, don't ya know.

Here's a picture of me with Uncle Anthony my Sicilian godfather. He's not at all scary, never mumbles about sleeping with the fishes or any thing like that, more likely to take the fishes out for a cocktail and spin them around the dancefloor till 6am.

I don't see Uncle Anthony very often cos he lives in San Frandisco and apparently that's a long way away and you need to get on one of those plane thingies that i'm not allowed on, but we all have lots of fun when he does come over, lots of fun, i mean lots of fun - Anthony is very very good at having fun. Dad says he tries to lead him astray, Mum reckons he doesn't need much help and i don't care as long as the having fun involves lots and lots of chicken and cuddles!

2007-12-21T15:46:00.001-08:00

Woof Woof!

It's that time of year again.....the time when i have to humiliate myself in front of Mum's camera for the purposes of wishing the world a Happy Christmas.

This year's theme is "I just happen to have popped out of a present on a snowy Christmas morning, Surprise!" which actually would have been convincing if there'd been any chicken in that damned box - she could keep me wrapped up all year if it was a box full of chicken.

And what do you think i got for my troubles? A couple of gravy bones, to which i am rather partial, admittedly, but 2 little gravy bones for a model of my experience - i'm definitely going to have to put my rates up next year.

Happy Christmas Everyone, have a lovely dinner (ummm dinner yummmy)

Take me to the Bridge.....!!!

2007-07-21T14:05:00.000-07:00

Woof Woof!

In the words of James Brown ... although i don't really understand why Mr Brown wanted to go to the Bridge (maybe there was roast chicken on the other side.....?)

Here's a photo of yours truly with Bobby and Megan's Dad!!!! I think he read my post "what's wrong with this picture" realised i wasn't happy at being left behind and drove his bus all the way to London just to see me.

Unfortunately, in his hurry to drive down and waggle my ears (can't beat a good ear waggling) he forgot to bring Bobby, Megan and little Gemma, so i still haven't met them all, crumbs, how forgetful is that!

The Big Red Bear Bus Flies Again!

2007-07-03T01:40:00.000-07:00

Woof Woof!

For the more regular readers of my postings to the world wide woof, this will be something of interest, what's that hanging beneath the balloons?

A car.

Not just any old car mind, that my furry friends is the original Big Red Bear Bus (TM).

You may recall i mentioned in my posting about the new bear chariot, that someone had taken the old Red Bear Bus away to make it fly, and there it is. Now i know that it's not red anymore, but that's only because everyone knows the Bear Bus is red, and they'd have got loads of complaints from animal rights groups etc. - people would understandably get worried about seeing it at such a crazy angle, they might think that i was still in it!

I was in the pub watching the England match and enjoying some light refreshment with my crisps when suddenly, at half time, there it was on sky sports tv, our old Bear Bus starring in an advert for Ford Mondeos mind you, that was the high point of the evening as England were rubbish again (as usual..)

What's wrong with this picture........?????

2007-06-20T09:49:00.000-07:00

Woof Woof!

Take a close look there's something missing from this photo...... not sure? - let me give you a few clues, the upright in the middle is my Dad and who could that handsome pair he's holding be...........??? - if you haven't got it by now you having been paying enough attention to my marvellous blog because that delightful duo is Bobby and Megan - so what's wrong with the photo ......? I'M NOT IN IT!!!!!!!!! - Mum and Dad drive 200 miles `oop north' (on the pretext of that work thingy that uprights reckon they have to do) and left me at home!!!- so they got to play bally and run round the garden with Bobby and Megan(and little gemma....growl) and i didn't. I had to stay with a smelly cat called Maya who trapped me in her kitchen, i was just trying to sneak off to the living room with her cat bowl (always good for a few crumbs of cat food) when she rumbled me at the kitchen door and blocked my escape. Luckily, a metal cat food bowl makes a handy shield when needed so i got away with it.

Mind you, it wasnt all bad as bobby and megans folks gave me a chewy toy, which is great fun but i think i'm going to have to totally destroy it in double quick time just so that A. it doesn't look like i've been bought off. and B. so they'll take me oop north next time.

I really can't believe that they had the cheek to go visit MY friends and leave me behind. (sulk sulk)

Oh yes, i'll be expecting an extra helping of chicken for tea to make up for this....grrr...

now where did i leave it.... (saunters off)

I Wandered Lonely....

2007-04-02T15:28:00.001-07:00

Woof Woof!

"I wandered lonely as a cloud
That floats on high o'er vales and hills,
When all at once I saw a crowd,
A host, of golden daffodils"

Thanks to Mr Wordsworth for the poem, very nice, but i always think a good bit of poetry can always be improved with a few more references to chicken.

As you can see, spring has sprung (boing!) and what with me never being one to miss a photo opportunity I thought I'd plonk myself down in a suitable spot that would allow me to show off the flowers to their full potential.

now lets see....

I wandered hungry as a bear...
My heart began to quicken
When all at once I saw over there
A bucketload of chicken!!!

Crumbs! I'm a poet and I didn't even realise!

Why I'm not allowed to have toys...

2007-03-20T01:59:00.000-07:00

Woof Woof!

......found monkey...!!!! destroyed monkey (didn't take long) ... Mum found out..... Got into trouble (again) ... and that's why i'm not allowed to have toys!

Mud Glorious Mud

2007-03-01T13:52:00.000-08:00

Woof Woof!

Today I managed to cover myself in mud, but not just my paws and tum tum, today I even managed my beard, nose and Mum's trousers too. Quite a pleasing result I thought. It was great fun, it was so much fun, I'm starting to wonder if the muddier you get the more fun you have. Hmmmmm I'll have a little snooze and ponder that, think I'll call it "The bear's theory on mud jumping". Definitely needs a lot more research, with a bit of luck it I'll get a chance to do more tomorrow. I'm sure mum won't mind, cos if I'm right then she gets to have more fun too, and then she can't tell me off, can she......????

The New Bear Bus!

2007-02-19T00:39:00.000-08:00

Woof Woof!

It's a proud moment in a little bear's life - you work really hard (blog writing, wags, cuddles etc. etc.) and eventually the parents realise your true worth and reward you with a fine new Bear Bus to take you to the park!

Here's a picture of my own handsome self looking rather distinguished (if i do say so myself) beside the new wheels.

I'm pleased to report my "chauffered" position in the back is very comfortable and i have my own seat cover (the Volvo seat covers were ok for mum and dad but not good enough for me, i get special treatment).

Of course mum and dad were very excited when they discovered the heated seats, electric windows, electric mirrors and the built in car phone adaptor but that was nothing compared to the whoops of joy and t shirt over head behaviour when they discovered the cup holders.....!!!!!! - Mum said "you know you've arrived when you've got cup holders". Don't understand the fuss myself but am hoping that the afore mentioned recipticles will contain large quantities of chicken in the near future, now that would be useful.

So i bet you're wondering what's happened to the big red bear bus that used to take me to the park......??? - a man came round to look at it, he was in a hurry, he told Dad he needed it right away - he wanted to make it fly through the air for a tv advert. Now i know i'm only a little bear but even i know that if you want to make a flying car there are far better aerodynamic choices than our well loved Volvo 24o, but that didn't put the man off he gave Dad lots of money and coughed spluttered and snorted his way off in it. I'll miss the old red bear bus but at least it will be immortalised in celluloid, will let you know when the ad's on tv.

Bye Bye Whiskey

2007-01-11T03:35:00.000-08:00

Woof Woof!

I've got some sad news for you all, Whiskey, Megan and Bobby's older brother has gone to the big park in the sky. He was nearly 17 in upright years.

I know it's going to be a sad time for you, Bobby and Megan, but your uprights will also be unhappy so it's your job to cheer them up - leave the chewing of hats and peeing on feet for another time, it's time to get the clown outfits on and make them laugh, hopefully they'll be laughing so hard they'll forget to be sad.

Here's a picture of Whiskey - one of the better ones as he wasn't keen on having his photo taken.

Whiskey Holroyd RIP 11.06.90 - 06.01.07

Big Roast Din Dins Time!

2006-12-19T00:52:00.000-08:00

Woof Woof!

It's that time of year again when uprights eats a big roast dinner and wears funny hats at the same time AND they give each other loads of presents, which includes me so I love it!!!!

I get very excited and open everyone's presents whether they want me to or not, surely they need a bit of bear help to speed the process up.......???

We're going to see Grandad this years so I'll get to play with my upright cousins, yippee!!!! Lots of walks in the woods, can we go now? I'll get my lead.......runs off in search of suitcase, balls and chewy bones

A letter from Bobby

2006-12-07T13:53:00.000-08:00

I thought I would just drop you a line to see how you are progressing with the How To Train Your Owner Manual. After all, there isn’t a Border Terrier in existence that doesn’t need to train the upright species. I have a few tips for you, but more of that later.

I am on what humans call a ‘holiday’. Apparently it is necessary each year for them to leave the comfort of their (my) home and stay in a strange place, at no small cost, in order to relax and become stress-free. I couldn’t believe my eyes when, after I had spent four hours in the car, perched on top of the kitchen sink, we turned into a field full of big boxes on wheels. Had they gone mad? Live in a box for a fortnight? On their heads be it. Stress free? Huh! There is this big sandpit and pond near the box, and I take my owners to see it every day. I look for stones and occasionally dig holes. Sometimes they go out and leave me to guard the big box. They must be joking – if this is meant to be a stress-free experience, then that includes me, too, mate, so I just chill out. There’s nothing worth pinching anyway, so this appears to be what they mean by ‘holiday’. If you are ever taken on one then believe me, you would find it quite easy to increase their stress levels. In that respect, it’s not that much different to being at home, really.

Now, regarding training your owners. Take this as far as you want to. Always remember that you are in charge and that owners are relatively easy to keep in their place.

Here are a few tips:

1. Your owners will often leave things lying around for you to chew, such as gloves, hats, tights, pens, tissues, books. Take advantage of this, but don’t be surprised if they act irrationally. Humans don’t think ahead.

2. If you can manage a few tricks as well, the effect on them is astonishing. For instance, if you put both front legs in the air without falling over, they will think they have trained you to do this, and you will get chicken. If they hide treats, they will be overjoyed if you pretend to seek and find. Don’t they know we can smell a treat at 100 yards?

3. You must get the upper hand (they call it bonding) with your female owner (or bitch in human speak). Just pee on her feet, under her chair, or as close as you can, in order to establish your relationship. She will react in a very strange manner, rushing around with paper and something called disinfectant, to eradicate your love token. Don’t worry, there will be plenty more opportunities – she isn’t going anywhere.

So apart from mundane things such as digging up the garden and then going straight back in the house, that’s about all the advice I can give you for the moment. Just make sure the whole set-up revolves around you, but creep when you have to. I’ll check on your progress when my owners decide to return me to reality.

Free the Battersea One!

2006-11-19T13:48:00.000-08:00

Woof Woof!

Well, there's been too many chewy bones and roast chicken dinners since my last post, let's not leave it so long next time.

Phewweeee! - Lots and lots of news, but let me tell you the important stuff first.

There we were on our morning walk, me mum and dad (I have to walk mum every morning, sometimes it's such a drag, well that's what she says) and suddenly a little fellah (a very little fellah) runs across the road to say hello to me, Dad had to jump into the road in front of a car to stop the little fellah getting run over!!!!! What's this I thought, a little fellah without a collar or lead, hang on a minute, where's his uprights........???? Then he ran off into the chemist and a man with one of those wheelie trolley things they put small uprights into said he wasn't with anyone at all. Suddenly he ran out of the chemist's door and Dad rugby tackled him and picked him up. He wasn't with anyone, we looked and looked, we walked back past the park and still couldn't find anyone so Mum and Dad decided to take the little fellah home.

Well, this was very exciting, a new little playmate in my house! - I went and got my ball and tried to get him to play with me but he just kept trotting round the house sniffing everything so I let him get on with it, we could play ball later.

A little while later Mum said she had to take him to the police station (crumbs, what had he done, a little jaywalking maybe but jeeze, handing him in's a bit harsh, better watch my step, hope she doesn't count the gravy bones) and when Mum and Dad came back little Harry (he looked like a Harry) wasn't with them.

.......I was looking forward to sharing my bally...........

Mum said the policeman had taken him to Battersea and if his uprights don't claim him we'd be allowed to go and collect him and bring him home for keeps!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thing is, that was nearly three weeks ago and Mum and Dad have been ringing Battersea to ask about him, nobody's claimed him but they still won't let him go, they said he caught kennel cough and didn't pass his assessments (look, us little fellah's aren't very good at written exams, you try it without an opposable thumb) and he isn't allowed to come home until he's been re-assessed.

Crumbs, three weeks, don't you know that's nearly five months to us, poor little Harry, locked up for five months for crimes he didn't commit, it's outrageous. I'm gonna start a campaign "Free the Battersea One", get some t shirts printed, ask questions in parliament, get Amnesty International involved, that sort of thing. Maybe Bono could write a song? Organise a concert or something.

Right gotta go - got to figure out how to bake a chewy bone with a file in it. Don't worry Harry we'll get you out of there.......trots off wondering if you can get balaclavas for dogs on ebay........

1-0 to the Arsenal!....oh dear...

2006-05-17T14:42:00.000-07:00

Woof Woof!

It was all going very well - 37 minutes in and Uncle Sol "give it to Sol" Campbell sniped a classy screamer into the top corner.... That's it, i thought, we'll be lifting the cup and it will be Chicken burgers all round to celebrate!!!!!

Then it all went wrong and Barca won 2-1, we won't be lapping water from the Champions League cup this year.

Mr Henry wasn't happy either as you can see from the picture (lost a bit of his va va voom)guess he missed out on chicken too.

Plenty of pebbles on the beach

2006-05-06T04:12:00.000-07:00

Woof Woof!

Not much to report at the moment but the evenings are getting longer so we spend more time on the beach. Thought you might like this picture of me hunting for chicken sandwiches on our local beach, it's only five minutes from the house, lucky me.

Oh I Do Like To Be Beside The Sea Side....!

2006-03-10T12:44:00.000-08:00

Woof Woof!

Yes it's me at another world famous monument, well Beachy Head anyway.

Had to take Mum on another very very long walk last weekend, she said she had to take some photos of this overgrown lollipop. I thought i'd better go along too to make sure she didn't forget about the tide and get washed away and guess which one of us got stuck in the rocks and needed to be carried to safety - well i've only got little legs (felt a bit sheepish actually, i was supposed to be looking after her). I made up for it by very helpfully running backwards and forwards in front of the camera, cos she must want me in every shot, surely?

Tum Tum Trouble Again

2006-03-03T00:59:00.000-08:00

Woof! Woof!

My tummy is sore again - i like to let Mum and Dad know by flumping around with my head and tail down, eventually they get the message and take me to see Uncle Duncan. Mum plonks me on the table and Uncle Duncan puts some tubes in his ears (maybe he doesn't want to listen to Mum and Dad - they do go on a bit) and rubs a cold shiny thing over my tummy, then he starts muttering, goes into the back room and when he returns he does something to the back of my shoulders a couple of times and then i get to go home.

When we get home me, Mum and Dad play this funny game where Dad holds my collar and Mum squirts some white chalky minty stuff into my mouth and then i snort it back out through my mouth and nose trying to cover as much of the kitchen as possible whilst shaking my head furiously (i managed to get the ceiling once, top points for me). Usually we play this game twice and the second time Dad grabs my muzzle tightly until i have to swallow - which i think is cheating (but that's Dad's for you).

Got to go and see Uncle Duncan again on Saturday but i'm starting to feel better already so hopefully i'll get to eat again soon - can someone send me a food parcel - lots of roast chicken would be good...........?

Thanks, Auntie Mandy!

2006-02-01T10:20:00.000-08:00

Woof! Woof!

I got some really cool toys for Christmas and Auntie Mandy got me this big footed tennis ball tummed tiger!

Now he might be a tiger but don't forget i'm a little bear, so i soon let him know who's boss in this house - i practised my scary shaking on him, (don't worry i only do this on toys) ran around the room with him for a bit and then settled down to systematically chew him to destruction (think that's why mum took Monkey away, she said she didn't have time to keep sewing his arms, legs, ears and eyebrows back on).

Not many toys survive the bear test but you'll be pleased to hear that Tony Tiger did, i've had him for a whole three days and he still has legs!!!!!! - that qualifies as a great toy in "The Bear's guide to Toys", but more about that another time.

Mum and Dad originally decided to call him Toby Tiger but Mum saw me biting Tony's head and remembered that Auntie Mandy had a boyfriend called Tony who dumped her on Christmas Eve, then she muttered something about voodoo dolls and deserves all he gets, i didn't really understand, but i'm gonna give Tony a really hard time anyway just to show i'm tough!

Thanks for the present Auntie Mandy, it's grrrrrrrrrreat!

Santa's Furry Helper

2005-12-22T15:16:00.000-08:00

Woof! Woof!

T'was the night before christmas and all through the house, a small creature was stirring and he wasn't a mouse........ no, he was a small bear masquerading as Mr S Claus in order to get his sticky little paws on the biscuits left for Santa .....sssssssshhhh don't tell Mum, she still believes in Father Christmas......

The Bear's Guide to Cuteness

2005-11-13T03:38:00.000-08:00

Woof Woof!

Did you know Bear cuteness is a scientifically measurable quantity...? - I didn't think so, but Mum and Dad decided to carry out major research into the subject when they realised that some days I am much cuter than others, some days lots of people stop to play with me and other days only a couple of people will.

For example, on sunny days more people want to play with me, so weather, and in particular temperature, are both factors affecting cuteness.

Eventually, after six years of research, Mum and Dad have come up with a formula for determining cuteness, it's quite complicated ( i don't understand it, i got stuck as soon as they mentioned chicken) so pay attention:

Cuteness is an instantaneous measurement (i may be cute one minute but not the next, i.e. immediately before and after rolling in fox poo) although of course an average cuteness can also be calculated.

The cuteness equation is given in the graphic on the right and the symbols are noted thus:

B_a = Total action of bear at instant
B_a = B + B_m where B = Bear presence and B_m = Momentum of the Bear (i.e. wagging or jumping provide extra cuteness)
W_y = Number of young women who have said hello on my walk
M_y = Number of young men who have said hello on my walk
M_o = Number of old men who have said hello on my walk
k = Kids
p = pushchair
w = weather, where hot>cold
t = time of day, this can be looked up from empirical charts, for example i'm cuter at lunchtime than at 4am when nobody's around to see my cuteness (like shrodingers cat)
b = biscuit presence
c = chicken or bacon presence
O.l.f = the old lady factor - probably the most immportant factor of all and a separate equation in itself, (see graphic) it is the density of old ladies in the locality.

Crumbs, told you it was complicated, lucky i'm cute even though i don't understand why... i need a nap.........

Looking Good!

2005-11-02T02:06:00.000-08:00

Woof Woof!

Here's little Fudge looking REALLY happy in his new costume, glad you like it.......! Just a bit of advice - don't go to the park wearing it, you might bump into your mates.

(Runs off wagging and humming: "I don't have to wear it any more la la la la la!")

Pumpkin Flavoured Fudge...?

2005-10-30T08:15:00.000-08:00

Woof Woof!

Yippee! - Pumpkin update - sold my costume to little Fudge in Northern Ireland, well sold it to Fudge's Mum anyway, my Mum won't let me use paypal (us little fellas don't have credit cards cos chewy bones aren't recognised as valid currency) so i guess Fudge's Mum won't either. Well Fudge, i just hope you like it more than i did.

Paws crossed that Mum won't rumble me, might get away with it till next year......

I'm so scarey.........

2005-10-22T08:04:00.000-07:00

Woof Woof!

Yeah, Happy Flippin' Halloween, bet i really scared you in my 'oh so realistic' evil pumpkin costume..........yes, you can come out from behind the sofa, it's only me.

I can't believe Mum's stuffed me into this outfit, makes the Bunny costume look like Prada, pumpkin's the new black, don't you know.

Can someone please stop her, it's so humiliating, i mean, i know i devour all the biscuits she bribes me with when we're doing silly pics (i can't help myself)but i'm a laughing stock in the online little fella community, and have you ever seen a little fellah laugh.....????? - This is serious.

Anyway, I've got my revenge - I've just put the costume on ebay tee hee hee, cunning eh? i'll never have to wear it again, just don't tell her!

Couldn't see the wood for the trees

2005-10-17T09:47:00.000-07:00

Woof Woof!

Had a very exciting day yesterday - Mum and Dad took me to a really cool place where they had millions (well nearly) of beautiful trees and i got to wee on all of them - fantastic, took me ages but there was also lots of other little fellas to play with too, so i made lots of new friends. Think they said it was an harbour eat 'em, which apparently means a collection of trees and not somewhere where there's lots of fish dinners (strange, doesn't make any sense to me): Westonbirt Arboretum

Hmmmm might go for a snooze and dream that place is my backgarden and all little fellas are invited to come and play with me (sigh!) ......and then, from behind the biggest tree of all appears the most enormous roast chicken dinner, big as a house, all the trimmings and it's heading my way....yeah, that sounds good, gotta go, got some napping to do.

Annual service

2005-09-26T13:24:00.000-07:00

Woof Woof!

It's that time of year again , Mum and Dad said i had to go for an MOT. I wasn't sure what this was about, but i think it must have been something to do with going to the vets because that's where we went.

Now usually i like going to the vets, because i get to see the nice Mr Duncan and although he usually takes liberties with where he puts his thermometer, he's really nice and always plays with me and gives me biscuits before i go.

But today i sat there in the waiting room, looking at all the stupid cats in their baskets ,what is it with them? can't they go outside on their own? what will happen? will the sky fall on their heads?(i wish)when the door to the biscuit room opened, and a funny man came out. I don't know who he was, but he wasn't Mr Duncan. Well, i wasn't hanging around to get prodded and poked by a stranger so i was off on my toes, sharpish, straight to the door...er..well i would have been if Mum hadn't had a vice like grip on my lead so she dragged me kicking and screaming into the room and plonked me on the big table.

Mum took this picture of me whilst i was stuck on there and the funny man did something out the back, then he came through and squeezed me a bit, said i was in perfect shape (form an orderly queue girls..)and game me an injection, which didn't hurt because i'm tough. (although i did shake a bit before..but i dont think he saw that 'cos he was out in the back room)

Anyway after that there was just enough time to flirt with a very nice bedlington terrier called "bo" in the waiting room and then off for a nice walk as a reward.
Easy day really...aaah..its a dogs life eh?

My 95 year old tea making machine!

2005-09-18T12:04:00.000-07:00

Woof Woof!

I’ve got two sets of grandparents – there’s granny and great-granny and they look a bit like really wrinkly versions of Dad and live further down the south coast, quite near to us so I see them quite often.

Great-granny is really small and sits in her chair all day, apart from when she’s making cups of tea. She makes about twenty cups of tea a day, Dad’s trying to enter her into a tea-making-marathon competition cos he reckons she’s the hustlers’ bet (whatever that means).

I went round a few weeks ago and ran straight to her chair as always because she’s usually good for a few sneaked gravy bones, I don’t even have to pull the “I’m cute but haven’t eaten for three days look”, I’ve got her well trained. But she wasn’t there!!! – so I checked the kitchen in case she was on one of her tea making excursions – and she wasn’t there either!!!! – she wasn’t in the house at all – how confusing, she’s always there, I had to check the whole house thoroughly of course, nose into every small crevice – 1. Check for great granny 2. Check for chicken. Even worse, the next time I visited the same thing happenend, and the next time too. I was starting to worry about Granny, had she gone to buy me chicken and got too distracted to go home? (understandable of course) or had she gone back packing around the world and forgotten to take her chair? It was a mystery.Then one day I ran to her chair – and there she was, as though she’d never been gone except she had her foot on a stool.

Turns out she’d fallen over (while making tea) and broken her thigh and had to go to hospital for it to heal, cos she’s ninety five (you know, I’m ninety five you know) and had already broken two hips before. Anyway, I’m pleased to report granny’s back in her usual spot, slightly more frail than normal, but never the less dispensing tea and sneaky biscuits at a great rate, phew that’s a relief!

Big Wags for Bobby's Birthday!

2005-09-11T08:17:00.000-07:00

Woof Woof!

My friend Bobby is one year old today, so Happy Birthday to Bobby! (Bobby is Megan's new little bruv)

One year is an important mile stone in a pupster’s life – you can still get away with being a silly puppy but you haven’t yet reached your teenage angst months, always a difficult time (don’t worry you’ll hit that in about six months and I’ll give you some more advice then).

I don’t really understand what birthday’s are, all I know is that one day in the year the uprights spoil me rotten and take me out for the day, the granny’s and granddad send me cards and it’s always a really cool day. Haven’t got a clue why but that doesn’t stop me from enjoying it so here’s the bear’s guide to the perfect furry birthday:

1. You’re allowed to have chicken alllllllll day! – nothing makes bear’s happier than a big bowl of chicken, followed by a chicken picnic, with a big roast chicken dinner at the end of the day – it’s your birthday so you deserve it.

2. You get to go on your favourite walk

3. Presents – for some reason uprights give each other gifts on this day so make sure no. 2 involves going via the pet shop and that your uprights splash the cash – a few toys, a couple of chews, maybe a few gravy bones as well.

4. If you don’t get all of the above you’re allowed to sulk (he he he he he he …… and boy, can border terrier’s sulk! – advanced lessons in sulking anyone?)

Think that might be the first in a new series: “The Bear guide to……” watch this space (you do that, I’ll go and watch the chicken)

A game of two halves...

2005-09-04T09:37:00.000-07:00

Woof Woof!
Its been one of those funny days really, kind of like a game of 2 halves. On one hand i had a great day out, We went to Weir wood resevoir, its in Ashdown forest (where winnie the pooh lives, but we couldn't find him) and it was really fun. We walked through the woods and down to the water. Because of the hot weather the reservoir was really dry (that's why there's a hospipe ban)and it was really muddy down by the water. I got really hot and discovered a great game - running through the stinky mud right up to my tum tum - it was great - cool stinky sticky mud - fantastic, cooled me down and i had what mum calls my "funny five minutes" - when i get the urge to run and run and run and run around in huuuuuuuge circles at top speed. Then mum caught up with me and i got into trouble, i got told off for jumping in the mud. I don't know what her problem is - i thought she'd want me to be cool and have fun, she should try it see how much fun it is, sure she'd like it, who wouldn't?

So that was fun, then i got my paws wiped and bundled into the car and we went home. That's when it all started to go wrong - Dad started running the bath!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and he put ME in it!!!!!!!!!!!! and then he got some yukky sweet smelling gloopy stuff and rubbed it all over me - god it stank - and suddenly i was covered in white foamy stuff (weird), and Dad rubbed it all over me until the lovely mud smell had gone and then he rinsed me off with water. He let me out of the bath and we played a game of Dad chasing me round with a towel whilst i avoid him and shake water everywhere - that's a good game, nearly makes up for the dreaded bath experience.

So here i sit at my keyboard, smelling awful and looking all fuzzy, waiting for my fur to dry. It's not natural, i'm supposed to smell of mud and grass and fox poo - hosepipe ban, can't we have a bath ban. Humph, not happy, might have to find something to roll in later...........

The penny has just dropped.

2005-08-29T13:45:00.000-07:00

Woof! Woof!
You know, sometimes things arent always as they seem. I've always thought that my furry little perspective on things was quite accurate and you'd have to be up pretty early in the morning to catch me out,(although apparently according to mum and dad anytime before about 11.am should do it) but today i realised that things maybe weren't as i'd assumed.

Now being a little fellah, i'd always taken it as a given, that i get up, have breakfast and then take mum for a walk. Usually dad comes too, but generally mum's the one who needs it and she's not happy until i've taken her out (even if it' only for a quick spin around the block).

Imagine my suprise today then, when taking mum and dad out for a nice walk, i heard them mention that they we're taking ME for the walk. Now ok, i can see how sometimes when i loiter along behind it might seem that they're the ones wearing the walking boots in this relationship, but hey! sometimes i'm not in the mood for walking them, what can i say? it happens. But to suggest that all this walking in the woods and hills is for my benefit? i dont know, there's gratitude for you. To think, all those times when i've gone out in the snow, wind and rain because mum needs a walk, when i could have just said "no way, i'm not going out in this" but didn't because i thought it'd be cruel not to. when all along i could have been snuggled up in a duvet or stretched out in front of the telly....

Anyway, here's a picture of me taking Mum for a walk in Queen Elisabeth Country Park

Ancient Monuments i have peed on

2005-08-23T13:55:00.000-07:00

Woof Woof!

Well, me and Mum and Dad went camping this week, but then we came home again after only one night cos Dad forgot to pack the duvet and we all froze in our little tent (and he forgot to pack the plates and the mugs and the bowls, but he did remember the chicken so well done Dad, good to know you've got your priorities right.)

But we stopped at Stone Henge on the way home cos mum thought i should get a bit of culture. Unfortunately couldn't get quite close enough to wee on the henge itself, pity, i was thinking of starting a new blog: ancient wonders of the world that i have peed on - could have been good, book, tv series etc.

I think it's very important to wee on everything i come across, not only is it very satisfying but it lets the whole world know that i've arrived, in fact i don't really understand why uprights don't do it as well, make everything clearer and then we'd know who's boss.

A bit more about Mum and Dad....

2005-08-23T07:14:00.000-07:00

Woof Woof!

So let me tell you a bit more about some of the other uprights in my life.

There’s mum, she a photographer, which I think means she takes people to a big dark room with lots of flashing lights in and makes them stand in the middle wearing bunny costumes, santa outfits or superman costumes, whilst she points a big black box at them then she flashes the lights and makes a click sound at the same time – or at least that’s what happens to me when she takes me to work.

Dad – he’s really funny, actually Mum and Dad make each other laugh a lot, then they usually jump on me and tickle me so that I can join in – they’re cool. Not quite sure what Dad does but it involves heaving lots of HUGE grey boxes around, lots of grey cabling and lots of disco lights, Mum says he’s always making a lot of noise – I think it’s something to do with parties, though I don’t know what they are either but I don’t think chicken is involved.

Right now I can smell a chicken roasting in the oven. I always feel it’s important to stand guard in the vicinity of the oven at these times to prevent any unwanted chicken interference activity that may preclude my getting some. I’d better go and lie prostrate before the oven, making sure I’m right in the way, in the middle of the kitchen, just to keep the chicken safe and remind the uprights of my chicken needs……gotta go………………(runs off purposefully)

Happy Birthday to me!

2005-06-29T01:04:00.000-07:00

Woof Woof!

It’s my birthday!!!!! I’m six years old today! – that’s 42 in upright years, which means I can be as grumpy as I like, moan about pups today, and insist on having my toys and biscuits brought to me. I’m allowed to eat chicken all day today and mum and dad always take me out for a really good run.

Just one problem, they’ve been getting very interested in my email pal Megan and her agility competitions – so they gave me a course of agility lessons for a present. This means I’ll have to get off my furry bottom and run around a field jumping over things – thanks very much – you could have bought me a book on how to maximise your sleeping time or 101 ways to cook your chicken, I hate exercise, they know that, I might have to pull one of my week long sulks, humph!

They're Back!!!!!!!!

2005-06-24T02:48:00.000-07:00

Woof Wooof!

Pheweee! Still at Grandad’s and it’s really really really hot, I’ve been lying around in the garden trying to find a coolspot and panting like a little furry steam train. I did try and lick the patio earlier, I thought it might cool me down, but mum looked at my green tongue in disgust and insisted I lick an ice-cube instead, which actually was a better idea, though not as tasty. Yes mum and Dad are back!!!!!! They arrived half way through the night time whilst I was still asleep in my usual small brown circle, on grandad’s sofa. I got a fantastic cuddle and ear waggle and couldn’t help but do lots of flappy tail wagging in return. I was really excited – they’re back – I knew they’d come back for me, think they must love me as much as I love them – fantastic!

Apparently my little, non furry and upright, cousins are coming around later, they’re called Karl and Abigail, they’re twins which always means twice the trouble. They came round before school the other day and chased me round the garden shouting “chicken chicken chicken” at the tops of their voices, which was fun but really confusing as they didn’t hand over any “chicken chicken chicken”. Mum was a bit bemused, she said they wouldn’t like it if I chased them round their bedrooms shouting “playstation, chocolate, cheese & onion crips”, really? sounds like great fun to me! (starts to flap at the back end).

Back again!

2005-06-21T09:02:00.000-07:00

Woof Woof!

Well, haven’t been able to write much for a while – mum and dad keep telling me they’re too busy out “earning the chewy bones” and I’ll have to wait until they’re less busy, and I say, well order me one of those big keyboards for little paws from ebuyer and I’ll do it myself!

So I’ve been at Grandad’s in Suffolk for the last couple of days – the first time I’ve had a holiday with granddad, whilst mum and Dad went to Spain to see Om, my godfather (not the sicillian dogfather, the other one, but more about that later). Turns out Om’s getting married and I might have to be the furry ring bearer – which I could probably do provided there’s a modicum of chicken brokered somewhere into the deal and I don’t confuse the two.

Mum and Dad have now started talking about getting me a passport, so I can go to spain which I suppose means having my photo taken in a square box at the station and filling in loads of forms. Now where did I put my birth certificate…….

Life at Grandad’s is good – mainly because I’m irresistible to old people and so the fresh chicken dinners have been available frequently and on time and there have been great long walks in the woods and meadows. Well done Grandad, keep up the good work and maybe later we can share your chair after din-dins (that’s YOUR chair, yes I’ve got that YOUR chair – I only ever annexe it on a temporary basis, I do realise it’s the sacred chair – crumbs, you’re welcome to my basket, what’s the fuss?). The only trouble with granddad is his insistence on going to buy his newspaper at 6am when by rights a little bear should still be tucked up in bed dreaming of chasing chicken sandwiches. How come he manages to fetch his paper on his own when I’m not around, I do question the necessity of my prescence at such an hour, or would if I could.

I do miss mum and dad though, mum said something to me (which I didn’t understand) kissed the top of my head then they both zoomed off in the big red bear bus (that’s what they call the car) whilst me and granddad waved them off from the front porch. So how do I know when they’re coming back? it always feels like they’re gone for weeks and weeks, even though it’s only been two lots of night, I don’t really understand. I like being with my grannies and Grandad but I want mum and Dad too, it’s a dilemma for a llittle bear and sometimes it makes me flumped out for a day when they’re away, pondering how much I’d like them home compared to how fun it is to be at my grandparents and destroy their flower beds. That’s why I curl up on their bed when they’re not here, I like to think of it as our bed and I’m keeping it warm for us all.

whoops!

2005-05-03T04:23:00.000-07:00

Woof Woof!, Oh dear, will this never end, poorly tummy again, and this time i havent even eaten something i shouldn't have. to make things worse, dad was away at the weekend, and now mums gone away for a week! she says she has to go away so she can afford to buy me chewy bones, but to be honest(and we'll keep this between you and me, ok?) i'm not really in the mood for chewy bones..
Getting a bit fed up with all this bland food, i wish my tummy was better 'coz mums promised me a roast dinner as soon as i'm feeling up to it....(beginning to feel better already..) and this stuff i'm eating at the moment is like tofu or something.
I got an email from Megan(she's a Border terrier also), i havent met her yet, but she looks cute in the photos, she's entering an agility contest soon, so megan, if you're reading this "GOOD LUCK!!"
(dad says the only way i'd win an agilty contest was if the courses were "chicken based", like run up the ramp to fetch a bowl of chicken, or grab the bowl of chicken from off of the table etc etc..)

anyway, feeling under the weather, so i'm going to tuck myself into a furry bagel shape and snooze for a bit.

more later... B*B

Food has never tasted so good.

2005-04-30T04:46:00.000-07:00

Woof Woof!, went back to see Mr Duncan this morning, he did that thing with the thermometer again, cant say i'm too pleased about it, but after another couple of injections i'm apparently well on the way to recovery from my nasty bout of tummy troubles.
Which means...........FOOOOOOD! at last, i've been "starved for 24 hours" so often recently i'm half the dog i should be. 24 hours? don't you people realise that's A WHOLE WEEK in doggy time?
But that's all over with now......bland foods at first but then back to Chicken. Chicken!! oooooh Chicken! how i've missed you! Yes i know that there are other foods, but i'm sorry, theres nothing quite like chicken. (except Chocolate..mmmmmm chocolate......Chocolate.....mmmmm..choc..) whoops sorry, lost my thread a bit there....where were we?
anyway mum says i'm not allowed chocolate because its bad for me. and if how bad i felt after i ate that whole giant size bar of Galaxy is anything to go by, then i think she's about right. (cue expensive trip to vet...er...again.) anyway i'm sure i'd have been fine eventually, and i might of even got away with it if it hadnt been for all those pesky chocolate paw prints i left behind.

Anyway enough about food (what? am i mad? what am i saying?) er.. i wonder if anyones dropped anything on the kitchen floor......*trots off to check

ok...so here we are then.

2005-04-29T23:42:00.000-07:00

woof woof! welcome to my blog. I'm new to all of this so you'll have to bear with me...(bear with me... geddit?)
Now i suppose, as this is my first post on my blog i'd better get down to some basics.
Today i was annoyed to see, whilst walking down my street, a little fellah WITHOUT a lead on. Now i dont know if you're aware, but for little fellah's to be out and about without a lead on is actually against the law. Now i feel that we furry fellahs should be free to roam as we wish, but i'm also aware that some of us arent as streetwise as we'd like to make out.
Anyway, back to my point, this little fellah (he was a staffie) saw me, and came barrelling down the road towards me, now my mum, seeing this, decided to cross the road to avoid him.
Without looking this little fellah came running across the road. what if there had been a car coming? if he'd been on a lead, this would never have happened. luckily the road was clear. BUT THATS NOT THE POINT!
Anyway, thats enough of my rant for today, i dont want us getting off on the wrong footing, with you all thinking "that bonusbear, he's always moaning" it was just something that concerned me today, so i thought that i'd share it with you all.
In my other news today, i went to see the doctor. his name is duncan and he was a little too friendly with where he put his thermometer. he seems nice enough though (even though he didnt give me any treats) but after a couple of injections (didnt hurt..i'm tough me.) My tummy's feeling a bit better, well, at least enough to write this.
I've got to go and see Mr Duncan again tomorrow and he wants me to take a stool for some reason... maybe he gets tired being on his feet all day and wants to sit down?

more soon... xx bonus