Postings to the World Wide Woof!

Woof Woof! and welcome to a furry corner of the interweb thingy, that is the online home of myself, BonusBear, furry superstar, bon viveur and all round loveable scamp On these pages, you'll find out all about me, my family, friends, and other happenings that make my tail wag.

Tuesday, December 19, 2006

Big Roast Din Dins Time!

Woof Woof!

It's that time of year again when uprights eats a big roast dinner and wears funny hats at the same time AND they give each other loads of presents, which includes me so I love it!!!!

I get very excited and open everyone's presents whether they want me to or not, surely they need a bit of bear help to speed the process up.......???

We're going to see Grandad this years so I'll get to play with my upright cousins, yippee!!!! Lots of walks in the woods, can we go now? I'll get my lead.......runs off in search of suitcase, balls and chewy bones

Thursday, December 07, 2006

A letter from Bobby

I thought I would just drop you a line to see how you are progressing with the How To Train Your Owner Manual. After all, there isn’t a Border Terrier in existence that doesn’t need to train the upright species. I have a few tips for you, but more of that later.

I am on what humans call a ‘holiday’. Apparently it is necessary each year for them to leave the comfort of their (my) home and stay in a strange place, at no small cost, in order to relax and become stress-free. I couldn’t believe my eyes when, after I had spent four hours in the car, perched on top of the kitchen sink, we turned into a field full of big boxes on wheels. Had they gone mad? Live in a box for a fortnight? On their heads be it. Stress free? Huh! There is this big sandpit and pond near the box, and I take my owners to see it every day. I look for stones and occasionally dig holes. Sometimes they go out and leave me to guard the big box. They must be joking – if this is meant to be a stress-free experience, then that includes me, too, mate, so I just chill out. There’s nothing worth pinching anyway, so this appears to be what they mean by ‘holiday’. If you are ever taken on one then believe me, you would find it quite easy to increase their stress levels. In that respect, it’s not that much different to being at home, really.

Now, regarding training your owners. Take this as far as you want to. Always remember that you are in charge and that owners are relatively easy to keep in their place.

Here are a few tips:

1. Your owners will often leave things lying around for you to chew, such as gloves, hats, tights, pens, tissues, books. Take advantage of this, but don’t be surprised if they act irrationally. Humans don’t think ahead.

2. If you can manage a few tricks as well, the effect on them is astonishing. For instance, if you put both front legs in the air without falling over, they will think they have trained you to do this, and you will get chicken. If they hide treats, they will be overjoyed if you pretend to seek and find. Don’t they know we can
smell a treat at 100 yards?

3. You must get the upper hand (they call it bonding) with your female owner (or bitch in human speak). Just pee on her feet, under her chair, or as close as you can, in order to establish your relationship. She will react in a very strange manner, rushing around with paper and something called disinfectant, to eradicate your love token. Don’t worry, there will be plenty more opportunities – she isn’t going anywhere.

So apart f
rom mundane things such as digging up the garden and then going straight back in the house, that’s about all the advice I can give you for the moment. Just make sure the whole set-up revolves around you, but creep when you have to. I’ll check on your progress when my owners decide to return me to reality.